| Is that your egg sucking leach?
Teddy G and I were making the last trip of the season, Headed West on a shoestring and a credit card. Neither one of us had found work lately and times were hard.
We pulled into the Bozeman Budget Inn, driving our Dollar Rent-a-car, wearing Payless Shoes. Dinner was from the microwave at the Usave and didn't do much for my digestion or disposition.
"We gotta find a job, Ted. I can't do this much longer." "Hell, I can't afford an Out of State License, much less a decent meal."
"Look kid," he always called me kid, "no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse." "I mean, take that feller from back East, Indiana, I think." "Fired, after being the best at his job, and after twenty five years on the job!" "You know how hard it will be for a guy his age to find work?"
"You mean Bobby Knight?" I asked incredulously. "He won"t need to eat for a month, and then maybe he can get on food stamps, for Gosh sakes!"
"Yep, I mean The General himself." "Look kid, what's he going to do? What with all this "touchy-feely, empowerment, self esteem crap floating around, he is going to have to find another line of work. And at his age! Age discrimination, I call it!"
"You know kid, Coach Knight is a hell of a fly fisherman." "I remember hearing an interview on ESPN where some nutcase reporter asked him some dumb-ass question and he said he had no idea what the answer was. The only thing he knew anything about was "basketball and fishing." "I wonder if he could be a fly fishing guide?"
"Don't see why not," I responded. "A lot of bright men have come out of Indiana, and the brighter they are, the faster they come out." "He has a lot of qualities that could be useful." "Do you remember Ted, back in '81 when he stuffed that LSU fan in a garbage can?" "During the Final Four, in Philly?"
"Sure, kid, what's your point?"
"Well Ted, what do you want to do when you see some guy usin' bait or killin' little trout?"
"Stuff their sorry ass in a garbage can!" he responded with rising agitation in his voice.
"Exactly." I confirmed. "And when he tossed that chair in '84 at Purdue, don't you think that would come in handy if some yahoo gets too close with his drift boat?" "Ole Bobby could rip the bow seat off and pitch it in the general direction of their head!"
"I think yer on to somethin' kid." "And Wayne Duke wouldn't be around to suspend him!"
"Correct, Oh Wise One." "And I'll bet he still has that bullwhip too!"
"And you know how irritating it is to see all these liberated gals on the stream, with their lavender vests and tailored waders?" We guys didn't have to worry about taking a @#%&!! off the side of the boat before, or nothin'!" "Now.... , well things just ain't the same." "The General, he has a solution, though. Remember when he barred a female reporter for the locker room, said it was "inappropriate?" "Nothin' more inappropriate than lavender."
"I do see a problem, kid." "A big one." "I mean suppose the Coach has you into a big spinner fall, and there is a huge brown trout, sipping steadily. He runs a pick for you, dumping a competing guide into next week, and you are about to be DA MAN at crunch time! And you, with your tendency toward buck fever, line the fish on your first cast and slap the water with your next one. And that puts down every fish in sight. What do you think he would do?"
"He would probably 1) kick me, 2) choke me, or 3) tell me to $#&@!%@!! and stay the #@$ outta his way, get outta his @$^#&&*$ boat, or he would kick my $%@!?
"Yep" "See, like I said, things can always get worse." |